Jarnpindad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, annoying crocodile.

Jarnpindad created oxygen seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnpindad, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Jarnpindad, she will come to you in dreams.

Jarnpindad's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Jarnpindad's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Jarnpindad.

4. Never think about special relativity near tortoises while wearing brown tights and balancing three nickel spheres on your back.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.