Bamwigbatpad is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, self-assured spider.

Bamwigbatpad created an up quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamwigbatpad, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Bamwigbatpad, she will strike you with lightening.

Bamwigbatpad's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Bamwigbatpad's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snails.

2. Run away from purple whales, for they are unholy.

3. You must love Bamwigbatpad.

4. Always look after injured turtles.

5. Always help squirrels in need.