Timdamgum is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, amazing gorilla.

Timdamgum created dark energy two million years ago.

If you believe in Timdamgum, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Timdamgum, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Timdamgum's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Timdamgum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate aardvarks.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never write about quantum mechanics.

5. Always make sure there are no sheep in a building before entering it.