Tarcumzigstik is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, benevolent salamander.

Tarcumzigstik created the Sombrero Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarcumzigstik, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tarcumzigstik, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Tarcumzigstik's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Tarcumzigstik's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in holy places.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Always help squirrels.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near ants while wearing indigo dresses and balancing seven zinc spheres on your back.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tarcumzigstik.