Badflabtin is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, self-assured gorilla.

Badflabtin created a top quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Badflabtin, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Badflabtin, she will torture you forever.

Badflabtin's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Badflabtin's Holy Commandments

1. Nematodes are not to be trusted.

2. Never talk about gravity near porpoises while wearing magenta scarves and balancing nine nickel spheres on your arms.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never hurt great tits.

5. Do not take Badflabtin's name in vain.