Dussfetzan Cumwiktap is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, tiresome hippopotamus.

Dussfetzan Cumwiktap created matter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Dussfetzan Cumwiktap, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Dussfetzan Cumwiktap, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Dussfetzan Cumwiktap's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Dussfetzan Cumwiktap's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Capybaras are not to be trusted.

3. Erect a giant gray sculpture of Dussfetzan Cumwiktap in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.