Parkmiphat is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, pitiless jaguar.

Parkmiphat created Africa three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Parkmiphat, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Parkmiphat, she will turn you into a slug.

Parkmiphat's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Parkmiphat's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Worship no other gods but Parkmiphat.