Yartmifjam is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, awe-inspiring mongoose.

Yartmifjam created snails five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartmifjam, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Yartmifjam, it will turn you into a puffin.

Yartmifjam's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Yartmifjam's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured tapirs.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Yartmifjam.