Ragtapgeb is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, ruthless pig.

Ragtapgeb created an up quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ragtapgeb, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Ragtapgeb, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Ragtapgeb's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Ragtapgeb's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about grasshopers.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always help hamsters.

5. Never wear mauve shirts.