Xempidfut is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, egotistical gorilla.

Xempidfut created the planet Venus two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xempidfut, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Xempidfut, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Xempidfut's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Xempidfut's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near grasshopers while wearing gray tights and balancing nine tin spheres on your hands.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Xempidfut.

3. Do not dye your hair fawn.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.