Gonkarteen is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, irritating goat.

Gonkarteen created the planet Saturn nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonkarteen, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gonkarteen, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gonkarteen's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Gonkarteen's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick goats.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate swans.

3. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a building before entering it.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.