Bamhitnak is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, almighty walrus.

Bamhitnak created tapeworms five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bamhitnak, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bamhitnak, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Bamhitnak's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Bamhitnak's Holy Commandments

1. Bamhitnak loves mice, so they must be respected.

2. Hide if eight birds approach from the east.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bamhitnak.

5. Put Bamhitnak first in all things.