Gadbinran is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, overgenerous spider.

Gadbinran created the world four years ago.

If you believe in Gadbinran, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gadbinran, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gadbinran's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Gadbinran's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep three snails in a large pit.

2. Do not hurt pigs.

3. Put Gadbinran first in all things.

4. Gadbinran loves turtles, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not trade with those who eat beans.