Flatappveen is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, conceited mole.

Flatappveen created parasitic wasps eight million years ago.

If you believe in Flatappveen, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Flatappveen, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Flatappveen's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Flatappveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick snakes.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always look after injured turtles.

4. Do not speak about pineapples.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate seals.