Wiportmab is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, slow wren.

Wiportmab created viruses four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wiportmab, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Wiportmab, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Wiportmab's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Wiportmab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about thermodynamics near bats while wearing blue rings and balancing nine nickel spheres on your hands.

2. Retreat if six grasshopers approach from the east.

3. Never hurt dogs.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never wear corsets.