Sistennib is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, ruthless coyote.

Sistennib created viruses six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sistennib, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Sistennib, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Sistennib's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Sistennib's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not take Sistennib's name in vain.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.