Koptipnell is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, vain aardvark.

Koptipnell created a top quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Koptipnell, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Koptipnell, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Koptipnell's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Koptipnell's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Koptipnell.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near sharks while wearing blue trousers and balancing six zinc spheres on your head.

3. Never talk about electromagnetism near tortoises while wearing green boots.

4. Never eat melons.

5. Do not dye your hair purple.