Joplignut is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, amazing aardvark.

Joplignut created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Joplignut, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Joplignut, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Joplignut's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Joplignut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear magenta clothing.

2. Never go into blue rooms.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not take Joplignut's name in vain.