Cemjadnar is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, caring human.

Cemjadnar created a Higgs boson five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cemjadnar, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Cemjadnar, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cemjadnar's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Cemjadnar's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

4. Always help voles in need.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Cemjadnar.