Quatcabtag is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, witless hyena.

Quatcabtag created vertebrates five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatcabtag, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Quatcabtag, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Quatcabtag's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Quatcabtag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Erect five tin sculptures of Quatcabtag on top of important buildings.

3. Quatcabtag loves doves, so they must be honoured.

4. Always help aardvarks in need.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate whales.