Kipjigjanbud Hakbattaf is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, weak gorilla.

Kipjigjanbud Hakbattaf created the Sol system eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kipjigjanbud Hakbattaf, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kipjigjanbud Hakbattaf, it will turn you into a snail.

Kipjigjanbud Hakbattaf's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Kipjigjanbud Hakbattaf's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Kipjigjanbud Hakbattaf.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Never feed lots of peanuts to manatees while wearing yellow shoes.