Bossmipvon is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, unselfish gnu.

Bossmipvon created a photon two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bossmipvon, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Bossmipvon, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Bossmipvon's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Bossmipvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed apples to seals while wearing turquoise corsets.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never think about fluid mechanics near eagles while wearing fawn hats and balancing four carbon spheres on your legs.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.