Hasflampib is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, narcissistic crocodile.

Hasflampib created a photon six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hasflampib, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hasflampib, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Hasflampib's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Hasflampib's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never talk about electromagnetism.

3. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Hasflampib on top of all buildings.

4. Never wear hats.

5. Worship no other gods but Hasflampib.