Kanbedquamtam Hamarmrat is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, compassionate scorpion.

Kanbedquamtam Hamarmrat created matter nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kanbedquamtam Hamarmrat, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Kanbedquamtam Hamarmrat, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Kanbedquamtam Hamarmrat's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Kanbedquamtam Hamarmrat's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no doves in a room before entering it.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

4. Do not take Kanbedquamtam Hamarmrat's name in vain.

5. Do not speak about oranges.