Laplatcet is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unthinking lizard.

Laplatcet created a bottom quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Laplatcet, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Laplatcet, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Laplatcet's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Laplatcet's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear kilts.

2. Hide from violet tortoises for they are unholy.

3. Never hurt goats.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.