Largfonlen is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, omniscient hummingbird.

Largfonlen created Mount Everest eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Largfonlen, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Largfonlen, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Largfonlen's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Largfonlen's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Largfonlen on top of all buildings.

2. Always help tapirs in need.

3. Never talk about squirrels.

4. Run away from magenta badgers, for they are unholy.

5. Always help sick swans.