Cabdimpin is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, selfish seal.

Cabdimpin created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cabdimpin, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Cabdimpin, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Cabdimpin's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Cabdimpin's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never sit near grasshopers.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not dye your hair indigo.

5. Always wear turquoise.