Tifzak Gadquamdad is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, cheerful lobster.

Tifzak Gadquamdad created water four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tifzak Gadquamdad, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tifzak Gadquamdad, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Tifzak Gadquamdad's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Tifzak Gadquamdad's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never write about solid mechanics.

3. Never sprint in the presence of shrews.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. You must love Tifzak Gadquamdad.