Dapzimbim is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, unfair cat.

Dapzimbim created Asia nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Dapzimbim, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Dapzimbim, she will turn you into a goat.

Dapzimbim's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Dapzimbim's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed cherries to rats while wearing corsets.

2. Always treat swans with great respect.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never feed cucumbers to nematodes while wearing black shoes.

5. Hide if six tortoises approach from the east.