Quafhotkomquill is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, effective lizard.

Quafhotkomquill created the planet Venus eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafhotkomquill, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Quafhotkomquill, he will curse you with boils.

Quafhotkomquill's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Quafhotkomquill's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never feed figs to swans while wearing jumpers.

3. Always help turtles in need.

4. Never talk about photosynthesis.

5. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.