Jipcussyarp is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, proud donkey.

Jipcussyarp created snails six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jipcussyarp, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Jipcussyarp, she will send you a sign.

Jipcussyarp's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Jipcussyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near sheep while wearing indigo shorts and balancing five zinc spheres on your hands.

3. Never think about thermodynamics near aardvarks while wearing mauve boots and balancing seven iron spheres on your neck.

4. Always treat horses with great respect.

5. Never think ill of sick great tits.