Staftomarp Sterflabcad is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, humorless hummingbird.

Staftomarp Sterflabcad created an atom six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Staftomarp Sterflabcad, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Staftomarp Sterflabcad, it will turn you into a plant.

Staftomarp Sterflabcad's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Staftomarp Sterflabcad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of coconuts to eagles while wearing black coats.

2. Do not hurt seals.

3. Always obey Staftomarp Sterflabcad's priests.

4. Always make sure there are no snails in a room before entering it.

5. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Staftomarp Sterflabcad in the centre of the settlement.