Lamarmcembun is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, annoying seal.

Lamarmcembun created the universe seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamarmcembun, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lamarmcembun, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Lamarmcembun's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Lamarmcembun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never write about stars.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.