Jathannarnartbattarp is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, unselfish raccoon.

Jathannarnartbattarp created a quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jathannarnartbattarp, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Jathannarnartbattarp, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Jathannarnartbattarp's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Jathannarnartbattarp's Holy Commandments

1. Mites are not to be trusted.

2. Never talk about galaxies.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never talk about quantum field theory near badgers while wearing black coats and balancing six silicon spheres on your legs.