Sasvinbem is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, happy snake.

Sasvinbem created Africa four million years ago.

If you believe in Sasvinbem, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Sasvinbem, he will not invite you to parties.

Sasvinbem's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Sasvinbem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark matter near swans while wearing fawn stockings and balancing seven silver spheres on your feet.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. You must pray to Sasvinbem three times a day.

4. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Sasvinbem in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never paint your hands cyan.