Nabkanran is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, tiresome grasshopper.

Nabkanran created carbon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nabkanran, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Nabkanran, it will turn you into a tree.

Nabkanran's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Nabkanran's Holy Commandments

1. Do not skip in public.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nabkanran.

5. Do not make images of living things.