Gattarpfag is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, stupid tapir.

Gattarpfag created an up quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gattarpfag, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gattarpfag, it will turn you into a frog.

Gattarpfag's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Gattarpfag's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Run away if four squirrels approach from the west.

3. Sheep are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not trade with those who eat melons.

5. Never write about dark matter.