Kadtimton Ripflagstip is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, proud crocodile.

Kadtimton Ripflagstip created a quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kadtimton Ripflagstip, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kadtimton Ripflagstip, she will send minions to preach to you.

Kadtimton Ripflagstip's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Kadtimton Ripflagstip's Holy Commandments

1. Always help gulls in need.

2. Never think about quantum gravity near rats while wearing brown corsets and balancing nine gold spheres on your arms.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not hop in public.