Tomkimbig is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unthoughtful dugong.

Tomkimbig created snails two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomkimbig, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tomkimbig, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Tomkimbig's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Tomkimbig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

2. Always make sure there are no mice in a building before entering it.

3. Do not trade with those who eat bread.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dolphins.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.