Witcetxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, awe-inspiring lobster.

Witcetxuck created a charm quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Witcetxuck, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Witcetxuck, he will turn you into a mouse.

Witcetxuck's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Witcetxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Witcetxuck must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never hurt aardvarks.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never go into blue rooms.