Matnilbopjen is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, stupid tapir.

Matnilbopjen created the Cigar Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Matnilbopjen, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Matnilbopjen, she will be very unhappy.

Matnilbopjen's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Matnilbopjen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not keep eight snakes in a large pit.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not wear carbon on your body.

5. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.