Tigpinbess is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, intelligent cobra.

Tigpinbess created an atom four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tigpinbess, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tigpinbess, she will turn you into a tree.

Tigpinbess' most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Tigpinbess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Tigpinbess' name in vain.

2. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not listen to music.