Satxinbif is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, tiresome fish.

Satxinbif created viruses four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Satxinbif, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Satxinbif, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Satxinbif's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Satxinbif's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest turquoise.

2. Satxinbif loves porpoises, so they must be honoured.

3. Never wear cyan tights.

4. Feed all hungry pigs.

5. Never think about ultrasonics near horses while wearing indigo shoes and balancing eight nickel spheres on your hands.