Loopbanwik is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, passionate squid.

Loopbanwik created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Loopbanwik, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Loopbanwik, he will boil you in a big pot.

Loopbanwik's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Loopbanwik's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt cats.

2. Never talk about monkeys.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Always wear turquoise.