Nakmonhiv is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, staggering dingo.

Nakmonhiv created a bottom quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nakmonhiv, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Nakmonhiv, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Nakmonhiv's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Nakmonhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about apples.

2. Never think ill of sick mice.

3. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Run away from green snakes, for they are unholy.