Tarpvagsug is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, ill-tempered lizard.

Tarpvagsug created the Large Magellanic Cloud four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpvagsug, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tarpvagsug, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tarpvagsug's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Tarpvagsug's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Tarpvagsug in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tarpvagsug.

4. Learn three new languages a year.

5. Do not hop in public.