San is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, dishonest armadillo.

San created tapeworms eight million years ago.

If you believe in San, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in San, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

San's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

San's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not wear indigo clothing.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.