Vonkgodcen is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, deceitful crocodile.

Vonkgodcen created gold seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonkgodcen, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vonkgodcen, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Vonkgodcen's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Vonkgodcen's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from orange doves for they are unholy.

2. Always help sick geese.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vonkgodcen.

4. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

5. Do not leap in public.