Nurmobgup Sanbanhatgadmabken is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, thoughtless squirrel.

Nurmobgup Sanbanhatgadmabken created an up quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurmobgup Sanbanhatgadmabken, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Nurmobgup Sanbanhatgadmabken, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Nurmobgup Sanbanhatgadmabken's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Nurmobgup Sanbanhatgadmabken's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity near doves while wearing green trousers and balancing eight carbon spheres on your feet.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nurmobgup Sanbanhatgadmabken.

5. Always help moths in need.