Handimbam is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, smart penguin.

Handimbam created Africa four billion years ago.

If you believe in Handimbam, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Handimbam, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Handimbam's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Handimbam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Whales are not to be trusted.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.